Today is one of those crazy days.
After hearing all my bunkmates chat for the past half an hour, I think to myself, what have I been doing the past few months? Am I a good or bad influence? After hearing case studies of i-know-who-but-you-dont-know-who in church, will I really go down that path? I don't wanna go that way, but I don't wanna take the direct opposite either, being way too down-to-earth and practical. I still want to pursue that dream/ideal/perfection.
Soooo... What today? Will it be different?
(
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
7:23 AM )
dudeee, its time to move on.
forget it.
i had 3 very personal surprises this week, in a very unsurprising and unspecial week. i got surprised by my dream, by my own behaviour, and by 2 friends.
i got forgotten, i went unappreciated, i got insulted, i got undermined, i got scolded for nothing, i tried my best, i got the double cold shoulder treatment, i fell so far down, i took so many steps back, i got psychoed back and forth so many times today.
yet i dont know what keeps me going and what's keeping this engine from breaking down. maybe it's hidden deep inside, maybe it's really isn't there anymore.
"whoever refreshes others will be refreshed" : the only promise to hold on to.
(
Saturday, February 25, 2012
12:26 AM )
Weird dream last night.
Weird 1: I dreamt of you last night.
Weird 2: I dreamt that you were pregnant.
Weird 3: I dreamt that you were pregnant with our baby.
Weird 4: I dreamt of that with faz and keegan sleeping over.
Weird 5: It was crystal clear when I woke up.
Soooo......was it supposed to mean something?
(
Thursday, February 23, 2012
12:20 PM )
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, the looks. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
(
Friday, February 17, 2012
9:50 PM )
Today is 15 febuary. Post valentine's day.
Less of the roses, flowers, cards, notes, chocolates and candies, and more of actually loving the person.
Sooooo, valentine's this year was waay different. Everyone had their 'valentine moment', and I stood by the side and watch it happen.
(
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
7:51 AM )
this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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dudeee, its time to move on.
forget it.
i had 3 very personal surprises this week, in a very unsurprising and unspecial week. i got surprised by my dream, by my own behaviour, and by 2 friends.
i got forgotten, i went unappreciated, i got insulted, i got undermined, i got scolded for nothing, i tried my best, i got the double cold shoulder treatment, i fell so far down, i took so many steps back, i got psychoed back and forth so many times today.
yet i dont know what keeps me going and what's keeping this engine from breaking down. maybe it's hidden deep inside, maybe it's really isn't there anymore.
"whoever refreshes others will be refreshed" : the only promise to hold on to.
(
Saturday, February 25, 2012
12:26 AM )
Weird dream last night.
Weird 1: I dreamt of you last night.
Weird 2: I dreamt that you were pregnant.
Weird 3: I dreamt that you were pregnant with our baby.
Weird 4: I dreamt of that with faz and keegan sleeping over.
Weird 5: It was crystal clear when I woke up.
Soooo......was it supposed to mean something?
(
Thursday, February 23, 2012
12:20 PM )
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, the looks. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
(
Friday, February 17, 2012
9:50 PM )
Today is 15 febuary. Post valentine's day.
Less of the roses, flowers, cards, notes, chocolates and candies, and more of actually loving the person.
Sooooo, valentine's this year was waay different. Everyone had their 'valentine moment', and I stood by the side and watch it happen.
(
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
7:51 AM )
this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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Weird dream last night.
Weird 1: I dreamt of you last night.
Weird 2: I dreamt that you were pregnant.
Weird 3: I dreamt that you were pregnant with our baby.
Weird 4: I dreamt of that with faz and keegan sleeping over.
Weird 5: It was crystal clear when I woke up.
Soooo......was it supposed to mean something?
(
Thursday, February 23, 2012
12:20 PM )
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, the looks. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
(
Friday, February 17, 2012
9:50 PM )
Today is 15 febuary. Post valentine's day.
Less of the roses, flowers, cards, notes, chocolates and candies, and more of actually loving the person.
Sooooo, valentine's this year was waay different. Everyone had their 'valentine moment', and I stood by the side and watch it happen.
(
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
7:51 AM )
this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, the looks. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
(
Friday, February 17, 2012
9:50 PM )
Today is 15 febuary. Post valentine's day.
Less of the roses, flowers, cards, notes, chocolates and candies, and more of actually loving the person.
Sooooo, valentine's this year was waay different. Everyone had their 'valentine moment', and I stood by the side and watch it happen.
(
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
7:51 AM )
this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
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link
Amanda
Caleb
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Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
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Russell
T-Juay
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February 2012
Today is 15 febuary. Post valentine's day.
Less of the roses, flowers, cards, notes, chocolates and candies, and more of actually loving the person.
Sooooo, valentine's this year was waay different. Everyone had their 'valentine moment', and I stood by the side and watch it happen.
(
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
7:51 AM )
this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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this aint a good sign.
(
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
5:46 PM )
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
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link
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Caleb
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Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
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Russell
T-Juay
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February 2012
I think my life is getting somewhat more organised. Every week booking into camp, booking out to a super hectic weekend; there's so many things to settle in camp, past projects and taskings being brought forward, high noon stuff, everyday new taskings, working with people, higher-ups and lower down below. I've somewhat made my BSC office and bunk as homely and friendly as possible for me to work in, but alas, I think I've reached the dreaded part of my nsf life: the 'middle part'. This week I became a second year soldier, and come to think of it, I've come really far since then.
This week I spent my whole weekend in church. I confuse myself sometimes, with who I am, and what are the so-called real issues I'm facing. Either I'm ignoring all of them, have too good a life, or I just plain don't know what that 'struggle' is. Everytime they ask me to 'share' about something, I feel like I'm cooking up something old, recycled or cliche or superficial or exaggerated or plain made-up. They say there's definitely something, I just have to think deeper into my life. But what for? Why do I have to let false sorrows take over godly joy, when depression and condemnation were one of my strongest struggles? I say NO, I don't want to let the joy and gladness leave. I've been through so much angst, hatred, self-condemnation, blame games, that I refuse to let guilt take over.
I think christians today need to experience joy. Joy is your best testimony. No person in the world experiences joy in the darkest and worst times, but only Christians have the power to do so. And that's the difference.
I know we do face real issues sometimes. Dealing with it has its place. Joy and sorrow and grief all has its place. But it all has to be in the RIGHT place.
(
Friday, February 10, 2012
11:24 PM )
I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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I'd hate to say this; but oh wells, those days were pretty awesome.
depends how you see it.
(
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
3:08 PM )
TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
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link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
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TOP FIVE REGRETS OF PEOPLE ON THEIR DEATHBED:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
(
Friday, February 03, 2012
1:10 AM )
I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
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I have been reading: and I came across something really powerful. A loving parent will seek a child's welfare regardless of the attitudes of the child. When a child is self-absorbed, rebellious and selfish, however, the parent is more focused on working on the child's attitude than on fulfilling the child's desires. But if a child is selfless, generous, loving and genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, it's a joy for the parent to try to satisfy the child's heart. Parents LOOK for way to lavish gifts on children like that. That doesn't mean the parent shows favouritism, it simply means that the parent is free to focus on fulfilling the child's heart rather than correcting it. God's willingness to defend and satisfy their desires doesn't vary. When we cling tightly to our own worries and concerns, he let's us. When we let go of them and cling on to him, he doesn't dismiss those things we were hanging on to. He cares for them -at least the heart behind them, if not all the specifics- and takes them upon himself. When we choose his agenda, he takes a special interest in ours.
I haven't had the best set of parents in the world. But perhaps that's why this jumped up at me. God you're really like that? So unlike from what I've known and experienced? It's pretty difficult to digest something so new, and how things were supposed to be, unlike how things are today.
The real threat we face for us longtime christians is not whether the circumstances will work out, but whether we can maintain our faith, gratitude, and worship in the process. We think circumstances are our battlefield, and then joy comes when our circumstances work out. But actually its the other way around. Worship and joy is the battlefield, and then circumstances shift when our attitudes work out.
(
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
9:48 AM )
Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
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June 2005
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August 2005
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Today is one of those days where you have second thoughts and relentless doubts about everything and nothing seems good anymore. I know everytime I fall sick my mind wanders round and round. Its like my body took a break from life, but my brain didn't. There are pessimistic and negative thoughts swimming around in my head.
I think to myself, we just came back from cny holidays, and they're going out to the swamps of lim chu kang for an overnight walk with 20 (seriously) kg. Like which set of people goes outfield like every week during lull period? I think we should just be forgotten here in singapore, and not go up to taiwan at all. Let us lull here, like the guards snipers hehe. Progressive training blahblah, testing the PC's planning, SA battle transition, recce, commanders' training. Sigh, why am I doing all this? Everything just doesn't feel right nao. I want my outside life.
(
Thursday, January 26, 2012
10:22 PM )
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
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August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
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July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Sometimes it doesn't really matter what people think. Why don't we live in a world where we dont play politics, social hierarchies, gossips, emotional and psychological manipulation, selfcentredness, personal grudges and disaffections. but of course, I know its kinda whiny of me to rant about how the world isn't perfect. But I have a very important question to raise: how should us Christians deal with the politics?
Should we tread lightly and draw clear boundaries? Should we take one slowmo step at a time? Should we be a monk/nun and abstain from it totally? Should we develop our political skills and apply it wherever needed? Should we even use it? Or are christians supposed to be angelic, and not ever ever get involved in such things?
In other news, I'm conducting PT for the whole unit tomorrow. For those who don't understand army terms, it includes every high ranking person working in the same building as me. And when I say high-ranking, I rly mean HIGH.
Well sure, its pretty awesome to wear a shiny yellow belt around my waist that says 'conducting', but I really shouldn't mess with the responsibilities, esp when they all have conducted so many more trainings than I did, and scrutinise every word and movement. (In my head, at least)
(
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
11:15 PM )
Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
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Time for an update on my blog.
Over the past few weeks, I have discovered friends who are dearer to me than I expected. And discovered friends whom I thought I was close to, but so superficial. And other friends who have changed so so much, and become so different. it's not easy meeting up old friends at times, because their current behaviour can taint the image I've had of them over the years. and that tainted image is ugly. but then again, have I become tainted? In other people's opinions, have I changed for the worst? Maybe that was what the transitions have done to everyone's lives. More emptiness, more voids to fill in our lives. I tell myself I really don't want superficial people in my life peppering me with sweet stuff and white lies. But sometimes, do I really? or is there a something within that still longs for human acceptance?
You know, after so long being in church, the sermons I enjoy hearing the most are during easters, christmases or any other event where there's many new people, and I get a fresh listen on how deep, how forgiving, how gracious our God's love for us is. It doesn't matter what we are going through in life, what level 2, 3, 4, 5 or level 100 stuff he wants to do in our life, but when our level 1 salvation should be the foundation of all our doings. And I think I got lost somewhere in the building. is it just me, or is it some voice going on inside my head? It's one thing to believe, but it's another thing to receive. And only through believing AND receiving, can we become beloved children of God. So, asking a question many people ask, how do I receive?
I'm not kneeling, I'm not healing, I'm just somewhere in between.
(
Sunday, January 15, 2012
10:20 PM )
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
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October 2006
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December 2006
January 2007
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March 2007
April 2007
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September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
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November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Why doesn't God take away all pain from us when we call on Him?
"He leaves us in the midst of our adversity for a reason, not so we can be overcome by it, but so we can overcome it in him. There's a strange and remarkable interplay between our needs and God's supply in which he gets glorified by stepping into our circumstances and carrying our burdens for us. He doesn't take the burden away, but he lightens them by his strength. He becomes the bearer as we present it to him. And in the process, he gets to show who he is.
God was able to show himself as Israel's Deliverer only because He allowed his people to be slaves in Egypt in the first place. He showed himself as their Provider only because he led them into a wilderness that no water or food to sustain them. He showed himself as Healer only when they were allowed to experience disease and as their Warrior only when they had an enemy. We would not know who he IS today, if somebody, somewhere, sometime didnt have a deep need that He stepped in and met.
We may know him theoretically as Israel's deliverer, provider, healer, warrior, but we know him personally only if he performs those roles in our lives when we need him to. And that's why he doesn't remove the wind and waves from our lives. We can sink and suffer among them, or we can find his strength and walk on them."
(
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
4:55 PM )
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
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October 2006
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January 2007
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November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
I've often wondered what would happen if we followed their counsel (of surrendering self-will and dying to self) and simply let go of their concerns. Would the world fall apart? Would situations worsen because we aren't stressed about them anymore? Would all our dreams and desires fall into God's trash pile if we were no longer pestering him about them? Why don't we just let go? I don't know. Perhaps that's our fundamental problem - our false sense of control. It's an illusion, and it wreaks havoc on our sense of peace. But we desperately try to maintain it anyway. Why? Because we have a hard time trusting God.
-unburdened by chris tiegreen
(
Monday, January 02, 2012
10:42 AM )
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
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March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
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August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
(
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
11:54 PM )
(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
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(
Monday, December 26, 2011
1:35 PM )
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
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December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
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August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Here's how you spend christmas eve as a guy who just booked out: sleep at 530am watching chris rene, then wake up at 1pm like a boss, without anyone bothering you or any errand to attend to, surf the net, eat some brownies for breakfast, watch my half finished movie conviction, and then dress up to the nines to a christmas eve concert.
And of course, along the way, let some jaws drop. This is the awesome lazy life to live. Tomorrow's christmas, wonder what should I do tmr.
(
Saturday, December 24, 2011
6:21 PM )
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
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December 2008
January 2009
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November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Christmas' coming.
One crazy week down, one more to go.
And I really hope it'll be a christmas break. Where I can get some rest, some thinking and reflecting done. Meet up some friends and feel a little more from the real world. Find my steps, rediscover my fire. Start discovering what it really means to be a leader, a commander. Fill up that gaping hole in my emotions, and make a decision on what really matters in life.
We all have our tiring weeks and crazy days. Whining and writing about it doesn't make the actual situation any better. But it makes ME feel better. I've had a really rushed, forgettable, lonely, lost and empty camp. Then I find out about all the CRT updates and changes. And after that, I then push my tiredness boundaries and hang out with sc6. And getting lost in my own dreams and perfectionist what ifs. Had a crazy refocusing session where I organised everything in mandarin, and then made them go up the scaffolds twice. Hung out with the gg gang for a few hours to catch up. and now its finally tekong week. Totally not looking forward to any of it, except the final day where we get to book out.
There's christmas party coming up, christmas concerts, setting up moving heads, block leave, cell group outings, ex-cell group outings, 4E gathering, a probable 6E gathering, things I wanna buy for myself, things I wanna get for my room, gifts and cards that I want to do for people for christmas, meetups with everyone, and of course doing all that while trying to walk on a narrow balancing beam. I totally enjoy doing all of the above, honestly, and would gladly do them all, but the balancing beam's being a spoiler.
(
Sunday, December 18, 2011
10:10 PM )
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Youth camp is over.
Within 24 hours, I am massively confused. I leave one camp and go to another camp and have never had such a culture shock before. I know I've been to many youth camps, but it takes a few weeks before we get thrown back into our school timetables again, but now in army, hell and heaven is just mere few hours difference. To many people, it was anawesome 4 days experience. To me, its been just another event in my schedule that I spent more time prepping for it then the event itself. I still feel shellshocked now. Maybe that's what 5 days of civilian life does to me.
It was in a word, forgettable. The music, atmosphere, activities, the place. Everything felt so reused and recycled. It wasn't unique and special to me.
There were its fun and cool and interesting moments, but I think by next week I would already have forgotten all about it.
God, so who am I now? How do I respond now?
(
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
6:14 PM )
(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
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jim
16 jul 92
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(
Saturday, December 10, 2011
12:23 PM )
#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my lovewhat shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning cloudslike the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long roadwith disappointmentschasing after loversthat just throw you away
are you done fighting nowall the love it takes to lighten youshame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrificesto ease your mindbut it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercythose these sins are red as scarleti will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
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#nowplayingoverandoveragain - Mercy by Kristene Mueller
What shall i do with you my love
what shall i do with you
for Your loyalty to me is like the morning clouds
like the dew that goes away so early
what shall i do with You my love
you keep bringing me sacrifices
to ease your mind
but it's your heart that i want
hasn't it been a long road
with disappointments
chasing after lovers
that just throw you away
are you done fighting now
all the love it takes to lighten you
shame was never meant to be your portion
you keep bringing me sacrifices
to ease your mind
but it's your heart that i want
though these sins are red as scarlet
i will wash them white in my mercy
those these sins are red as scarlet
i will wash them white in my mercy
( 12:17 AM )
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
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November 2010
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January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
Spending time in camp is way easier than the outside world. I can get myself lost in my own world, of discipline, fitness, etc etc, and just forget about everything else outside. I can forget my hurts, my disappointments, my expectations of things. But it is indeed really difficult to deal with things that you can so easily ignore. And ignoring and forgetting it all isn't going to make things better; it isn't going to solve anything; its not gonna solve any disputes and discrepancies. And because it already is so difficult and painful, why do I have to be different, and face it? Why not just avoid it, and let everything slip into oblivion. And just lose everything I've built.
Somedays I think about my thinking. Do I really want to let go? Should I let go? Why did I hang on for so long? Why was I so patient? Isit the gap, or is it genuine? What's real? What's fake? Maybe everything we've all known is fake. Its all just a selfish scam to plug a gap.
(
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
8:37 PM )
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
me
jim
16 jul 92
belongs to God
bassist
guitarist
socceroo
fairsian
acsian
tagboard
link
Amanda
Caleb
Cheryl
Dawn
Denise
Dennis
Glenn
Joy
June
Russell
T-Juay
archive
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
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January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
October 2011
November 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
it takes mere minutes to burn a bridge down, but it takes years to build one.
so what now?
does anyone have an answer?
hello?
helloooo?
is there anyone out there?
(
Saturday, December 03, 2011
7:26 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?
(
Thursday, December 01, 2011
1:24 PM )
I had a little chat with someone. He made a point: live passionately. Pursue what you really want to do. Go for it. Live it up. Raise the bar. Push your limits. Don't live behind fears and limitations. Don't let anyone pull you back; only let others push you forward.
Know the difference between something you're passionately pursuing and what you're pursuing to plug a gap in your own life.
It's a very thin line.
What's my dream; what's my goal, that I am chasing? And on the other hand, what are the gaps in my life? What am I trying to plug it with?